“Enough is enough!” We have all experienced this moment at some point. The point where we cannot take anymore and we will not take any more. It isn’t giving up, it isn’t throwing in the towel, or maybe it is. Throwing in the towel of no longer tolerating the abuse. Throwing in the towel of not allowing ourselves to be treated this way anymore. You see, we’re not throwing in the towel and giving up on the relationship (as the abuser would like us to believe) because to be honest, the relationship was over a long time ago. We threw down the towel because we were tired of raising the white flag and surrendering to his or her tactics. We got tired of surrendering to his or her ways. We got tired of surrendering to his or her control. We got tired. Enough is enough! We no longer raised the white flag to surrender and lose the battle. We threw down the towel and prepared to fight the war.
So when is enough, really enough? How do we know that we have had enough? The best way I can explain is that it is as if the light bulb finally turns on in your head. It’s like an epiphany. The “aha moment”. You realize that nothing is going to change. Nothing is going to better. He or she will never change. It is in that moment where your mind kicks into survival mode. You will start to think of a plan. A way to escape. You will think of who to call, where you can go. When the best time to leave will be. There is this inner strength that seems to just take over you. Something you forgot that you had inside of you. This strength. This courage. This determination. It is empowering. You will experience the fear and anxiety. Unsure of what may happen if and when your abuser finds out that you are leaving. But this inner strength holds on strong. This inner strength is loud and drowns out the fear and anxiety.
The moment may be after an incident with your abuser or maybe when you are in the house by yourself. For me, it was the night after my ex had choked me until I passed out and when I came to my head was on his lap while he was playing video games. He laughed and started stroking my hair. I had gotten up and gone to the bathroom and seen marks on my neck that were identical to his fingers being around me. It was at that moment I knew that things could only get worse. Out of fear of what may happen I waited until the next morning. When I woke up the next morning I grabbed my phone and a towel and went into the bathroom. I turned the water on and explained to my sister what had happened while staring at my neck in the mirror. It was then that I knew I had to leave. No matter what may have happened while doing so, I had to leave.
Leaving may not be easy, it could be dangerous. But either way, you are getting out of there. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! However you have decided to reach out, remember there is a way out. The first phone call may not work out, but do not give up! Someone somewhere is willing to help. If by chance, for whatever reason family or friends are unable to help you, there are PLENTY of available resources for you in which an organization will be more than willing to get you out safely. Just know, that you will be safe. However and whoever is going to be absolutely sure of that. You will be safe. You will have your life back. You will be better. You will be you again. A better you. A newer you. Yes, you will be different, yes you will experience a lot of different emotions from this traumatic experience. But there is help, all you have to do is reach out. There are many people who you can lean on who will understand what you have been through and what you are feeling. People who genuinely get your mixed feelings. People who will NOT pass judgment on you. People who will love you. People who will help you through. You are not alone. You do not have to ever feel or think that you are.
Regardless if you have or have not had your “aha moment” if you have or have not yet got to your “Enough is enough” moment, I am here for you.
If you are reading this and you are someone who has a family member or friend that is in an abusive relationship as hard as it may be, I ask that you remain patient. I know it sounds crazy, but they have to see for themselves that things are not going to get any better. If they are forced out before the realization they most likely will just go right back to their abuser. Please be patient. Please be available. You may get the phone call on the day that he or she needs to get out of there. You may get the phone call that he or she has had enough.