Reflection Over Troubled Waters

I’ve always been drawn to water. I love the oceans, lakes, and ponds. It is as if it is my own little piece of heaven. The place where I can let all my thoughts run wild and yet at the same time I can still feel at peace. I can scream out all my pains without fear. I can cry my deepest cry without judgment. Then, as soon as I have pulled myself together I am literally face to face with myself. Looking at my reflection on the water. Sometimes the body of water may be peaceful, with my reflection gently resting on the surface. Other times the water may be rough, chopping my reflection up.

During these times where I would see my reflection over troubled waters it was like another reminder to myself. Reminding me, that no matter how rough life gets I will never be overtaken by its circumstances. No matter how large the waves they will not drag me away from my destiny. The current at times might slow me down, but it will never stop me from reaching my destination.

Life has tossed me around like an ocean during a storm trying to drown me in sorrow and depression. Just when I thought I would be lost at sea and soon forgotten about, the waves started to slowly calm down. When I felt weak and thought I could no longer keep my head above the waves a deeper strength from within carried me through.

The storm had passed but the choppy waters still remained. I had managed to escape trauma, but the recovery process was just the beginning. Through the waves of life I managed to rise back to the surface after each crashing wave had ferociously crushed over my fragile body.

I am a survivor of many forms of abuse. I made it through the darkest of times. I learned to love my reflection even if it was over troubled waters, not just when I look at it on the gently pond. I have learned to embrace myself even when I am being tossed around in the raging sea.

My reflection over troubled waters, is a reflection of my strength. A reflection of my perseverance and a reflection of my hope. My reflection over troubled waters is a storm all of her own. Never to be broken. Never to dissipate.

wallhaven-178641

Why That Title?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

“A life worth living for? I like the name, but what made you choose it?” This seems to be the number one question I am asked when people find out that I have started blogging and they see the title of my page.

When my friend (who is also my editor) and I first discussed and started planning out writing blogs we were also trying to think of a name. It literally just came to me. When I thought of all I had been through in life A Life Worth Living For just seemed perfect. My life’s worth living for and so is yours! We all have a purpose in this world. We all have something to offer and to give. No one is put on this earth for no reason. No matter what some people may think or say. Everyone is born with a purpose. No matter what we experience in life it is all to make us stronger and better. For instance, I believe my purpose is to touch other people’s lives through the tribulations of my own life. To open the curtain of my world and share with others what I have gone through and how I have grown through them. And what better way to start doing that than by blogging right? The feedback I have received is amazing! Something I have wanted to do for so long but was actually scared. Scared of what others would think. I got the opposite feedback. People have been touched, it has open up the doors to bring awareness to situations that are not just my own but to those who have yet found their voice. It brings awareness to topics that so many people know so little about, Or they only know the stereotypical information about the topics.

Why do I blog? Blogging (writing) is also therapeutic when you think about it, it cleanses the soul. You are able to write whatever you want, all your feelings and emotions can be written down. It is a great way to express yourself. With the added benefit that when you share with others you may have helped someone else too.

So our lives really are worth living for. And I hope that in sharing different parts of my life that you too in turn may find your way and purpose as I continue finding mine.

A Life Worth Living For; a life filled with purpose. A life filled with hope and a life filled with dreams.

Twitter: @Shauna_Driscoll

Facebook: A Life Worth Living For

I am a warrior

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

image

Like the photo that coincides with this blog: ” I have battled my whole life to become the strong woman I am today…”

My father abandoned us after my mother divorced him. My stepfather passed from cancer. I was in an abusive relationship. As well as dealt with alcoholism and other obstacles in my life.

Through the small obstacles to the larger ones, I successfully fought my way through. At times I just had to jump over a hurdle, other times I had to crawl and claw my way out. I fought and I conquered

My scars; whether their physical, or the ones I allow to be seen through my words or by my voice, will never be used as a tool to try and further damage me. They will be used to show that I am a fighter. That I am strong and that I survived and will always survive.

I am a warrior; do not be ashamed by my battle wounds. Embrace them, just as I embrace them.

Embrace your own battle wounds! You’re a survivor; you have a story that needs to be told to ears that need and want to hear.

We as the survivors of our circumstances need to be the voice for those who no longer have one, and to those who have yet to find their own voice.

Photo Credit: From Facebook page: Stop Domestic Abuse 

Addiction

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Addiction

When I was young, in my early twenties, I found that there was a change in the way I drank. It was no longer about the party, or having fun. It started as just being fun. I’d go out with my friends, and we’d stay out maybe later than we should. Then I would drink maybe more than I should. After what I’d been through with my ex, I was living free, and with that freedom came a wild streak I was thoroughly enjoying. Finally, I was in control of myself. If I wanted to drink too much, or party all night long, I could, and no one was going to stop me.

Drinking became the sole focus of my life. I would spend hours a day looking for a club, a house party, a small social gathering to go to, and if there wasn’t one, I created one at my house, all in order to drink until I couldn’t function. It had got to the point where I would drink up until it was time for me to get ready for work. Even when I got to work, my job took a back seat to figuring out how to not drink alone that night.

It seems impossible to me that I survived. I can’t believe my body never shut down from the enormous amounts of Hennessey I’d pour down my throat, or that I didn’t break my neck walking on a flat surface. Crazier though, is that somehow I held together working at least 40 hours a week and was working towards my degree. For a long time, I didn’t look like I had a drinking problem, and I was comforted by that. How could I hold all of this together if I was an addict?

Eventually though, my drinking caught up with me. I dropped out of school. I lost my job. I was hanging out with a group of people I had no business calling my friends. The downward spiral didn’t matter. I could just drink more and forget about it. Alcohol was always there. For four years, it was the best friend I had.

In 2009, I had a life changing experience. I’m not at liberty to really discuss it, and in truth, I’m not ready to. I’ve promised to my readers to share my truth, and my truth is that my rock bottom moment is something I need to keep private. One day, I hope to be able to share my life with total openness. With my first blog post, I discussed an incredibly difficult relationship that I had, and it was amazing the amount of people that reached out to me to say they had no idea what I had been through, or how much my story meant to them. I’m not ready to have the same attention drawn to this one small aspect of my past.
In times of hardship, I have found a deep connection with God. As soon as my ordeal in 2009 was over, I went to church. Instead of drinking in order to feel nothing, I strived to feel closer to God. While the church isn’t for everyone, I was lucky enough to meet a pastor that I truly credit with my recovery. In our first meeting, she made it very clear to me that if I didn’t deal with my past, the abuse from my ex, the abandonment of my father, the loss of my step-dad, I would be right back to drinking, or possibly worse. That meeting I mostly recall through a blur of tears and tissues. I went home and started writing. I learned how to cope with the pains of my past without drowning them in a glass of vodka. It took time for me to deal with the issues I had been running away from for so long. From 2009-2014 I went without a drop of alcohol. Since I feel good about how I’ve dealt with my pain and have accepted what has happened to me and what I have done to myself, I am comfortable having a drink every so often. I understand that for some people, a drinking problem is a one way street, where one drink turns into ten and it’s dangerous to even be around someone else who is drinking, but this is not the case for me. The only problem liquor causes in my life now is when my editor can’t focus and drink at the same time.

Photo Credit:  “Addiction… Thought of the Day.” 945 WCMS. Web. 4 Nov. 2015.